ListenFromTheHeart: #15 All we are – OneRepublic

Relationships are hard to understand sometimes.

There are ones that exist even after months of no communication. You visit a friend whom you haven’t spoken to in a long time, and yet the feeling when you see each other is almost the same as if you had just seen each other just yesterday. Hold on to these people, because they are the friends whom will always be there for you, even when you simply want someone to share a piece of good news with, or when you need a shoulder to cry on.

There are ones that seem to drain you of all the energy you have. You continue attempt to put the effort to mend the smallest of cracks that had appeared for no significant reason, and during all that time, you try your hardest to ignore all the small indirect insults that jabs you in the heart like pieces of crystallised ice. Even if it seems that it may chance, it’s time to let go of these people, because no matter how much you try, these will be the ones that treat you different because of that one small mistake you had made.

I once had a friend. I had thought that they were one of my closest friends that I will ever have. However, due to certain circumstances, something had occurred and I was no longer treated the same.
When we had decided to meet up to go out after several attempts to find a common free hour, I had ended up waiting for half an hour before finding out that they had completely forgotten and had simply been having fun elsewhere.
When we had decided to celebrate my birthday, I had no say in where to go, what to eat, what to do. Instead, we went to one restaurant because they ‘felt like getting that’, we went to a shopping mall because they had a certain agenda to buy certain things before the holidays came along.
When we had decided to hang out in a special place that was once one of my favourite places to go, I showed it to them and they had said a few words along the lines of ‘this place isn’t that interesting’ and we went elsewhere instead.

Throughout these times, I had simply stayed silent and thought ‘oh, maybe it’ll get better next time’. But instead, I just kept feeling like a ragged doll that demanded attention of a child that no longer wanted to play. They only played with me when they wanted to, when they ‘didn’t feel like it’, I was simply left on the side.

“We won’t say our goodbyes
You know it’s better that way
We won’t break, we won’t die
It’s just a moment of change”

There was so long when I kept holding onto the glimpse of hope that ‘maybe next time it’ll be better’. I had cried myself to sleep many of these nights, and those few months were a few of the most unhappy months of my life.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
-Psalms 147:3

Looking back into my journal. There is one tab where I had written a bunch of bible verses meant to help me heal my broken heart. These phases were the ones where I had grown the most in Christ. Learning to truly fall into the unknown, having faith that below the deep and darkest abyss, there is a safety net to catch me.

“Trust int he Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”
-Proverbs 3:5-6

In this world, rarely anything ever goes as you had expected it to happen.

There is also a relationship that had started unexpectedly. They had just entered into the classroom as a new student, and I had rarely expected that years later, we’d still keep in contact through snail mail each holiday season.
We had started off being part of a group of four, however as circumstances would have it, the other two had ended up slowly drifting away, and we remained the innocent pair amongst the raging teenage hormones that took the others out to alcohol and partying.
We had started off with many endless sleepovers discussing potential relationships and squealing over romantic comedy scenes, and waking each other up with pillow fights.
We had then been separated by circumstances once again about 2 hours flight away, but had managed to converge like magnets every holiday season, spending at least one crazy night doing absolutely the most ridiculous things to pass the time. Including a half-edited lip-dub, button magnets, and random shopping trips filled with selfies.

“You’re an island and my ship has run aground.”

Although we are both so horribly terrible at staying in touch through the 21st century technology, we had managed to stay as close as friends can be. At the end of each school term, we would rant, endlessly to each other about the months that had bridged the gap between one meeting and the next, eventually saving each other from drowning in the overwhelming thing called LIFE.

The friend who had suggested this had only given a two word reason for their choice in song:
“It’s gold.”

This song describes the ups and downs of relationships. Each one is different from one to the next, and never will there be two alike. Some only strengthen through trials, others test your ability to differentiate between the good and the bad. Learn to understand which relationships to hold onto, and which to let go.

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