I need advice. Not advice. I need… thoughts. What do you think.
Since exams have finished and the only thing left to do is study brain development and stem cells, I’ve decided to be a little more active in sharing all my deepest mushy thoughts and feelings with the world. Hoping from some corner of this earth another person will find that our opinions would overlap like the venn diagrams we used to draw in math class.
Under the spring-summer sun, I had sat by the window staring at the vines surrounding the tree in my garden, thinking about ‘best friends’. Trying to organise my thoughts would be the equivalent of trying to untangle a ball of yarn by tugging on all the strings in different directions at once. I end up being more confused than when I start.
So please do offer up your thoughts. Anonymous or not, let me know what you think.
Where do friendships come from.
Circumstances. Maybe it’s from your parents interacting before you were even born. A friendship that is built on childhood photos of faces covered in face paint from a 2 year old birthday party, and awkward reunions every few years. It ends with a life-time of memories, and no matter how different, it’s the shared stories of growing up that bonds you together.
Chance. Maybe it’s from accidental meetings that ends with a funny story. A friendship that is built on that one inside joke that cracks you up no matter how long its been, and slightly disjointed storylines of Facebook conversations that fluctuate between changes in profile pictures and cover photos.
Shared interest. Maybe it’s from taking the same classes, or participating in the same competition or summer camp. A friendship that is built on the one week of interaction filled with laughter and new experiences. You share your ‘firsts’ of many events that are unlikely to be experienced in the same way.
(at this point. I had started and stopped writing at least 20 times. not knowing how to continue)
I’m sitting at my kitchen table, two of my flatmates furiously working away preparing for their exam tomorrow. They are, though different in so many ways to myself, two of the people I hope to be able to maintain my friendship with after they move out after a year. Whether it be the shared hypothesis of dogs and breaded hipster owners, or short Sainsbury’s procrastination trips, there had been memories shared.
But what happens after.
When our lives run off into a tangent, what is it that keeps a friendship alive.
Is it the big events on Facebook that causes them to run across your mind holding up a sign saying ‘message me to find out all about this big thing that happened to me that you know nothing about’, or is it the bits of pictures and memories you’ve kept tucked away in a forgotten notebook that makes you remember how there were promises to complete a certain bucket-list that had still not been written.
Trying to understand friendships is hard. It only makes you start to doubt all the different relationships you had formed with the people you had met, questioning all the spontaneity that comes with unplanned moments of laughter and joy. I guess it’s just one of those times when you’re left alone with your thoughts and it spirals, travelling to some part of your mind that you knew was present, but never visited because of the fear of what those paths may lead to.
I think up to this point, I can’t even hold onto my own thread of thought.
All I know is that friendships take effort. And that’s what I’m going to put into all the relationships I feel I can’t live without.
Because it sometimes seems like social media had put out an access point that makes us feel responsible to contact all those amongst our friends list. It almost makes me feel guilty for not taking advantage of it and keeping in contact with more people. Therefore, I think I’m going to go on a massive letter writing spree, and write down my thoughts on paper, on which even the eyes on the internet can’t see.
Send me your addresses for a tbh.