MushyFeelings. #1 Voices.

The purpose of life has always been one of those questions that seemed too philosophical to tackle. Instead, we don’t ask about why certain checkpoints have been placed into our lives with the aim of directing us to the ‘ideal life’. We simply follow the rules.

For her, the beginning of this rollercoaster started when grades started becoming important to our future. Her desire to be perfect placed her in a situation where excellence is a goal to strive for, and anything sub-par may be unacceptable. Every piece of homework a percentage that is part of an average, every assignment a obstacle to surpass, and every exam paper a determining factor of the level of success she would have in her future.

We may be driven by voices in our heads.

  1. Parents. The loving voice that may at times seem harsh and unrelenting. A voice which pushes us to be better and reach our full potential, with the hidden tone of faith that believes that we can reach higher.
  2. Friends. The caring voice that seek to share goods and bads, the ups and the downs. A voice which may not meet expectations but wants to understand and wants to show that they care.
  3. Peers. The pressuring voice that demands similarity and shared interests. A voice which searches to be unique and strong, hiding the underlying desire to belong.
  4. Self. The contradicting voice that confuses, reassures, and is constant. A voice that has so much power over each of our actions that it may be the voice that dares us to dream, and the voice that shatters it the minute after.

Or we may be driven by silence.

Her mind is silent today. It’s void of feeling, and unknowingly familiar sense of longing for thoughts that inspire and comfort. There are questions that are left unanswered, but no answers that form coherent sentences sufficient to respond. Trains of thought begin to form but are breathed away into mist that fills the emptiness.

To you my dear friend. Here’s what I want to say.
It’s okay to question one thing. And it’s okay to question everything. We question because we’re unsure, so keep asking until you are sure. Until you’re sure of which voices you want to listen to, which voices that push you to be the best you can be, the voices which inspire you to be the best YOU possible.

And whilst there may be emptiness, enjoy the calmness of nothingness, imagine it in a white space echoing with your heartbeat. The heartbeat that reminds you that you are alive. Today. You are alive. And if there is nothing else to be grateful about, be grateful that you are alive and loved. And slowly let that white space be filled with pink, the more cliché that represents love. And also the colour that I will plan to dye my hair with. In loneliness and emptiness, think of me with pink hair.

(and play this song in the background if you must: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qY9kUbx3sq8)

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